Rooting for the "Enemy"

Tomorrow, Indiana University will head to its first football championship in quite some time. They are undefeated and, by any objective measure, having an incredible season.

This creates a problem for me.

I am a Purdue graduate. My wife is a Purdue graduate. One of our daughters is a Purdue graduate. The rivalry between Purdue and IU is not subtle. Walk around Purdue’s campus and you will see “IU sucks” signs. It is a chant shouted after every kickoff, regardless of who Purdue is actually playing. Rivalries like this are baked into identity.

So of course, we have given our other daughter and anyone else who graduated from IU a hard time. The same goes for friends and family who attend or are considering attending. That is part of the culture. Playful banter. Ribbing. A shared understanding that allegiance comes with jokes at someone else’s expense.

And that is where it should end.

Healthy rivalry creates space for competition without contempt. It pushes each side to sharpen its edge, improve its systems, and raise its standards. At its best, rivalry makes everyone better.

The problem arises when rivalry turns toxic.

As a Purdue fan, it would be easy to hate on IU during this moment. It would be easy to root for their downfall as they face Miami, despite having no connection to Miami at all. It would be easy to let rivalry override perspective. Instead, I will be rooting for them as they pursue something meaningful to their community.

Not because I stopped being a Purdue fan.
Because I refuse to become a smaller version of myself.

I see this same dynamic play out far beyond sports. I have witnessed it repeatedly in the speaking and consulting world. There is natural competition as individuals position themselves as experts and pursue limited opportunities. That competition can be productive, but only if it is handled with maturity.

I learned a few hard lessons along the way.

First, there is usually more than enough to go around. I have caught myself coveting a gig someone else landed while failing to appreciate praise or opportunities that came my way. Comparison blinded me to gratitude.

Second, competition can make us better when it stays honest. Sometimes that growth comes from pushing ourselves to raise the bar. Other times it comes from feedback we would never receive if we treated others as enemies. I have watched peers grow in remarkable ways, and while I was not always quick to say it, I am genuinely proud of them.

Third, and perhaps most important, is the energy of the space you choose to occupy. Toxic competition breeds toxic environments. Over time, that bitterness seeps into identity, language, and relationships. It shapes how others experience you, whether you intend it or not.

I have decided that is not how I want to live.

The same principle applies across life. In leadership. In work. In relationships. In communities. Rivalry does not require resentment. Competition does not require cruelty. You can root for your team without rooting against someone else’s humanity.

Sometimes the most powerful statement is refusing to let rivalry dictate your character.

Even when the “enemy” is winning.

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